Vilcabamba . . . a rant

Anyone who starts a conversation with, “are you a vegetarian?,” I want to slap. Nobody starts a conversation with, “do you like eating animals”? Nothing against vegetarians, some of my best friends have been vegetarian . . . If I had the energy I might have moved on but I was parked in the plaza of Vilcabamba, and the burgers looked good. Peter, the friendly protein starved German with stringy hair, was not put off by my dietary choice and sat with me. Across from us sat a long white haired hippy dude rolling a smoke with all the attitude of a local who is not, while up strolled Tweedledee with a braided beard - I overheard their real estate conversation along with, “you are the least into money of all the people I know” . . . my digestion was being interrupted. Peter filled me in on the wonders of tiny Vilcabamba, besides no decent ATM, no color copies, no visible local market, Vilcabamba has a thriving expat hippy dropout community. Also, some of the highest real estate prices in Ecuador. Off hand I would not have guessed but the quaint realty store fronts were a tip off. I was encouraged to stick around and check out the free movie screening at the community center, “you will meet some really nice people.” The movie was about crop circles . . . I am open minded but aliens landing in fields in England – for the food, right? I am sorry but we are in the farthest reaches of our galaxy on the edge of an expanding universe, we are alone, nobody cares, and Gaia is waiting for our extinction. I pictured post screening sitting around sipping wheat grass and weak herbal teas seriously discussing the vagaries of alien contact – maybe if I was roaring drunk and she was really cute in that hairy dreaded sort of way . . . light on the patchouli. Even then, the idea of a “community center” in rural Ecuador showing a movie about crop circles in England to a bunch of landed expats with special feelings for vegetables is simply wrong. Peter was staying at a hostel (for $200 a month) that did sound appealing though – pool, sauna, good coffee, and cheap, with $6 dorm beds. I decided to roll up the hill and check it out. The place was packed with young Ecuadorians in the pool getting drunk – ah, a breath of local fresh air! However, it was booked with said Ecuadorians and available rooms not cheap ($20). Peter offered me some tea when I really wanted a cheap cigarette and a shot. I briefly considered the offer of free camping at the “community center” but kept rolling – as someone said, not my family, “if you don't have anything nice to say . . . “ I suppose I could have called Danny and Pedro for a good time but instead I climbed the next pass, slung my hammock, made dinner, and enjoyed the stars with cheap red wine . . . for free. Peter was a nice guy, I just don't always do nice. Incidentally, the burger was the best I've had in seven months, but not a 1/2lb Thirsty's burger.